Living with an eating disorder was never something I planned to do with my life; but here I was, living and struggling with an eating disorder my entire life. My eating disorder was not the usual eating disorder that you all know of.
My Unusual Eating Disorder
I know there is the Anorexia eating disorder (where the person involved has a fear of gaining weight so they limit the amount of food they eat), Bulimia disorder (where the person involved eats large quantities of food within short periods of time and starts purging afterwards) and Pica disorder (where the person involved craves to eat things that are non-eatables such as papers, chalks or pebbles); my eating disorder was none of these but it sure sounded like them in some way.
The difference between my eating disorder and the above mentioned eating disorders was that it was a disorder that involved the brain and it was synonymous to the feeling of being addicted to drugs. It was a feeling of being unable to resist junk foods and other eatables no matter how hard I tried.
My disorder featured an abnormal urge to fill my mouth with anything edible whenever the urge arose. And when this urge started; I became a prisoner of my feelings; and I ended up giving in to this urge and shoving something down my truth, most especially junk foods, irrespective of how filled I was.
It didn’t matter if I just ate a huge breakfast, lunch or dinner; it didn’t matter if I just ate a full meal few seconds ago; I just found myself craving junks and fries.
Disappointed Or Happy About It?
The bad part of this was that I was quite aware of the demerits of eating like this, one of which included excessive weight gain, and I actually felt bad and disgusted with my actions whenever I obeyed this insatiable urge to eat; but once this urge overwhelmed me, it was just like a craving for drug and alcohol, every part of me; my brain inclusive; lost every iota of reasoning and before I could say Jack Robinson and thought things through, I was shovelling junks and other eatables down my throat.
Insatiable Desire To Eat
I had people who tried to help me by saying things such as “all you need to do is to stop putting it in your mouth”, “you can stop once you take your mind off it”, and I wished for my sake that it was that easy to shut my mouth and refrain from eating but it was just not possible.
Even when I decided to stop this minute, by the next minute I was back to not just craving junks but to actually stuffing fries and other junks in my mouth.
Finding An End To It
In my journey on how to end this addiction, I came across so many diet plans that were advertised on social media platforms, fitness brochures and health magazines; and I always vowed to get on one of them just to get rid of my food addiction.
And when I eventually started out on the first day with so much enthusiasm and eagerness to succeed, I found myself breaking my vow and giving in to the urge to eat junks, no matter how little it was; and there I was back to where I started from all over again.
Food addiction was not something I was proud of, trust me I was not proud of the junks I ate, how I ate them and the effects this eating disorder had on my body and my life.
Because for one, I was not proud of the fact that I was storing and collecting junks and fatty foods in my body. It made me add weight which I was not happy about but most importantly, it made me feel unhappy.
I tried lots of stuff to get rid of this food addiction, and it felt like the more I tried, the more I was getting nowhere, but that stopped when I decided I was done with over-eating junks and sugary foods. I had to change my lifestyle, especially since I am currently pregnant. Did I tell you that I had diabetes during my last pregnancy and almost had it during this one? That was a huge wake up call for me! Something had to change.. but it isn’t that easy mentally!
What did you do to overcome your addiction?